Midnight Ruminations

When I off to college I used to dream of myself ballroom dancing with peppermint leaves in the background. The song playing would have to be from John Legends second album, maybe Save Room for My Love. 


Those were the days when shit was pretty and I was Cinderella or something close. But why hadn’t I ever imagined myself dancing with someone else? I always imagined myself dancing by myself. What the fuck? You know a psychologist would probably think I was scared of dick or something. 

I mean really. When I was in high school, I auditioned for this play. And when I was on stage these boys came into the auditorium. I knew them but they were like whatever to me. But then the teacher came into the auditorium and asked are these boys with you? And I got scared and said no. She ended up getting fired, but anywho why did I get scared? 

Lord knows I was watching pornography and looking at playboy by the I was like seven. I had boys in school looking at my parties under the table in kindergarten. So what why was I always dancing alone or scared to say these niggas at the audition were with, although they really weren’t? Certainly to check a nigga out wasn’t no sin. 


Was I being programmed to be Becky in public and a gay bitch behind the scenes. You know Beckys a Virgin in public, at least when shit hits the fan she has to have impeccable character. Soft spoken, gives children candy, sings in church, loves the Lord and the like while at home she’s breaking the number one commandment serve your God and your God only because she serving His angels. 

Ooh ok right Gods angels use the mirroring affect. Taylor swift, Jessica Alba and the like all said they were virgins so I have to walk around the same way but that’s the farthest from the truth: the first time I had sex it was with my college instructor. His name was Andre. He didn’t look like much, but I was enamored I thought he was well read and cool because he looked like Tupac and he was anti white but the nigga was banal. He read August Wilson and the rest of the books from gay men that white people say are okay in academia. 


Anywho, after sex he tried me, so I lied and said the bitch raped me. I later recanted my story, by the grace of God, but the truth is I gave him the pussy with all my heart. Mind you I don’t think it would be right for a 33 year old former instructor to take the virginity of a 19 year old. I mean power dynamics on different levels and all but nonetheless I gave him the pussy. 


You see these angels either on the side of the Illuminati or God are playing the same ducking game. Tomatoes tomatas. So I know these niggas seeing and hearing from demons in tea time cuz these bitches try to get me to do freaky shit too. So no Becky doesn’t want to be Beyoncé. Becky is from the hood the real hood; her daddy doesn’t know how to read and a her childhood hole got shot up at least four times by an Ak 47. 


But yeah on either side, do not measure the value of a person by their intentions by the what their actions cost you. For at the last day, the Lord, Jesus Christ, will ask you to give an account for every action you performed or did not perform. And working against Satan will not be enough. That is why these creatures do not show themselves. They hide behind the name of the Lord instead trying to get you to do shit for them. 


My friends the goal is be in alignment with God. I don’t give a fuck if it’s raining sewer water and all the pot holes are covered, and you are drowning. The person who will make it to the finish line is the one who stands firm till thee end. I have been old and I have been young but I have never seen the children of the righteous begging for bread. 

Yes though we suffer many defeats let us deal them one death blow of righteousness that is. 




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