Ruminations

When I off to college I used to dream of myself ballroom dancing with peppermint leaves in the background. The song playing would have to be from John Legends second album, maybe Save Room for My Love.  Those were the days when shit was pretty and I was Cinderella or something close. But why hadn’t I ever imagined myself dancing with someone else? I always imagined myself dancing by myself. What the fuck? You know a psychologist would probably think I was scared of dick or something.  I mean really. When I was in high school, I auditioned for this play. And when I was on stage these boys came into the auditorium. I knew them but they were like whatever to me. But then the teacher came into the auditorium and asked are these boys with you? And I got scared and said no. She ended up getting fired, but anywho why did I get scared?  Lord knows I was watching pornography and looking at playboy by the I was like seven. I had boys in school looking at my parties under the table ...

Growing up, my niece used to say she was ill all the time. I thought she was faking it. She never looked sick. She’d miss a day of school and then be skipping around the house. But then she got her tonsils taken out. Then her mom says she stopped breathing once. Okay. I lived with her my whole life and never experienced this. Years later, although she never caught an asthma attack at home or at school, all of a sudden she had asthma. Then all of a sudden her stomach starting hurting her. Then all of a sudden she had constipation. Then all of a sudden she’s known as being ill, and Univesity of Florida is emailing her all the time for this survey.  Hmm, did God’s angels press the right buttons. Are they doing the mirror effect here? The 48 laws of power  says there’s no greater weapon than the mirror effect. It infuriates your enemies. It buys you enough time to do what you are trying to do, and it shows them the value of their righteousness.  Now, I’ve been going from job ...

 Every once and a while these quora posts come up on my gmail feed. Some of these post are really interesting; there’s shit like did prince Phillip have affairs on Queen Elizabeth or if the US changed the constitution could it take your guns, and then there is the posts about the army. Navy seal trainers are interesting. These niggas or crackers, if I may, undergo a series arduous mental tasks and challenges that are made to break them and eventually get them to run on pure adrenaline almost, like robots.  But then I think what they training them so hard for. Most of the world doesn’t have the man power, fire power, not mental prowess to counter that. So what are these robots being trained for? Hmm, the more I think about it the more I get afraid you know.  The more I read about them and mermaids, dragons, Simpson’s, Selena and Disney I start getting overwhelmed. Damn, do I get my boat now. Do I stack up the pantry now?  A few years ago, the United States decided to ...

Once we become converted to God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, do we hide who we were; remove our tattoos, delete the old text messages of when we texted that nigga bout sucking his dick? Do we pick up our cucumber sandwiches and hide that we ate pork and salad and drunk bottles of alcohol amongst other drinks?  Hmm, this is a serious question. Can we be Christian and still remember where we came from? The midnight hours of raw sex, skin to skin, with a nigga who wasn’t your husband but somebody else’s. Wasted time exchanging ourselves for time currency. The moments when we snuck our hands into a classmates back bag stealing they shit. Or oh the time when you let a nigga fuck you on the beach cuz his shirt said he was a police.  Surely when I was a child I behaved as one. Now the old things are put away, but are they thrown away? I wonder what I will tell my niece why I dance the way I do when I hear nothing but the blood of Jesus?  Will I tell her it’s because he...

 You know when I read psalms and meditate on why David was so successful, part of the reason is that he usually asked God for direction. I don’t recall a time when he ever went out to war and did not ask God what he should do and whether he should go.  Yet, black is king is fraught with lines like we are gods, and the in the jungle there’s no bible. Now, going off the Bible, if we, a people, are our own gods and lead our way through war on our own, will we be successful?  Is this a benign mistake or are these lines intently insidious? In the earlier parts of the Bible, the tribes of Israel go to war against Benjamin. And they are losing. They get their asses handed to them. Every time they go to the Lord, He says go, you will win. By the time they are done with Benjamin, most of the women of the tribe are dead, and there are mass casualties on both sides. They win, but at what cost. So what happens is that they have to look outside the tribe to find the tribe of Benjamin ...

 When I was in college I had a really shitty time. It was rough; my professor was a bisexual witch, literally. The room was all white, and my Korean professor was trying to sleep with me. Now why was that hard, well I was bought up supposedly Christian in an all black neighborhood. I was taught that homosexuality was a sin. Fornication was a sin. And these people were giving me the hardest time in the world. What do I mean by hard time; I would walk into class knowing I had just worked on a group project and when the discussion began everyone in the group would jump in before me with all of the talking points and leave me by myself.  My Korean professor would do things like hold class until midnight at his house or force us the students to come to his house to get our books. If you didn’t laugh at his jokes he would say snarky shit like oh smart girls would get it. He’d send emails to me over winter break asking for my address in New York.  My bisexual professor would say...

 I watched a movie the other day about a voodoo priest who converted to Christianity. He used to kill people, visit the underworld, and put presidents on the world stage through Satan. But then after his conversion, he was brought into a radio station to announce to the world that he’d been converted and that he was now working for the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  I wondered could he still be used as a vessel for this God; the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob? Surely, David said God would never align himself with a wicked king. And when Jesus, the same God; the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, released the man with the legion of devils inside him from his tormentors, God told him to return to his home and tell people of the good news. He did not allow the man to follow him. Was it because this man had been disqualified? Was he too wicked to follow the Lord?  Now, if that’s so if God asked you to do unrighteousness things would you do it because He is God? He never ...